WHAT THE GUVNOR'S SAY!

I recently came across some background notes I was putting together as part of a report I was preparing to give to one of the local radio stations I was working for at the time.  Among them were these quotations taken from books about and by Sir Terry Wogan and Sir Jimmy Young – two of the real Guvnors of British broadcasting history.

Their words and observations are just as relevant today as the day they were written and encompass many of my own beliefs on how to be successful in radio.

 We talk of a radio audience as if it were a group, as if it moved on blocks.   There are a million people out there – but they’re all individuals.   When people are listening to the radio, a ripple of laughter does not run around the stalls.   Nobody chortles in Chorleywood because somebody chuckled in Cleakheaton.   Every single radio listener makes up their own mind.

   Radio is the most individual, the most personal medium.   Which is why it’s a terrible mistake for broadcasters to categorise their listeners.   “Radio 2 is for the fifties and over” ignores the basic precept of radio listening.   It’s personal.   What pleases one fifty-year old won’t please another, but may delight a forty-year old.

   So, I take it, when you claim to broadcast to 50 year olds and over, you mean you’re going to play music to suit that one group.   Music from 50 to fade out.   I’ve news for you.   It’s impossible!

   I’m sorry – you cannot heap your grown up listeners into age groups.   God Almighty himself could not devise a music policy to satisfy a national age group as broad as 50 to Curtain Time!   But at Radio 2, you don’t have to………

   Because, and let me break this to you gently, Radio 2 is not a music network.   It never has been.   The vast majority of people who listen to Radio 2 – that is, the people who tune in every weekday from, say 7 in the morning until 7 in the evening, the most loyal, the most consistent group of any in the country, do NOT listen for the music.   I realise this will cause confusion, nay, panic, amongst songwriters, musicians, producers, middle management and even at controller level.

   Radio 2 weekdays is a ‘personality’ network.   People don’t listen to Sarah Kennedy, Jimmy Young or even me for the music.   They listen because they’ve become attached to the person presenting the programme – and, because of the personal, very intimate nature of the radio, for more deeply attached than they would ever become to any presenter on television.   An indication of this is the listeners’ need to fax, to email, to write, to their radio favourite to contribute, to establish a dialogue.   So where does the music come in?   The music matters only when it’s wrong.   When it jars, when it’s inappropriate, when it sits uneasily with the personality of the presenter.

   Radio 2 music should be selected to complement the personality of the presenter and the content of the programme.   My programme differs from Sarah Kennedy’s as much as hers differs from Jimmy Young’s, and his from Ken Bruce’s.   Self-evidently the music should reflect that difference.

   A draconian music policy is a mistake for a national radio station.   Opt for a specific type of music, and you are opting for a ‘niche’ audience.   Now a ‘niche’ audience is fine for a commercial radio station that doesn’t want to compete on the mass market place and attract advertisers to a specific audience.

Sir Terry Wogan – Musn’t Grumble (2006)

Jimmy Young wrote in his book ‘Forever Young’ about popularity of presenters, on his role in the early days of Radio 1 and on the news that his listening figures had gone through the roof.

   Back in 1967, the BBC was taken aback by what was happening to the JY Prog that they commissioned a survey to find out where I was getting my extra millions of listeners from at the unfashionable time of 10am.   What the survey discovered was almost incredible.   It reported that I had changed the routine in countless homes.   It reported people saying that, whereas they used to listen to Housewives Choice and then go out shopping, they were now doing their shopping before or after my programme so they wouldn’t miss me.   I had actually changed their shopping habits.   This was something that neither I nor the BBC had envisaged happening.   If it came as a shock to me, I wondered what the news was doing to Robin Scott.

   Robin had been given the job of creating a Radio 1 that was so hip, with it, so sharp that it could successfully replace the pirates.   But his star had turned out to be a forty-six year old guy playing middle-of-the-road music and reading recipes.   I knew I wouldn’t turn Robin’s hair white because it was famously white already, but I could imagine him tearing out handfuls of it in sheer frustration.   He had wanted to create an overall youthful image for the station and had installed a host of young DJ’s to create it for him.   The trouble was that the public didn’t want them – they wanted me.   I was very much an anachronism.   I was the tail wagging the dog.   But I was the success story that Robin couldn’t ignore.

The BBC didn’t like JY’s success and tried to stop the rot by forcing him to take a holiday.   He continues………..

   Working on the principle that if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again, the BBC wondered if they could stop me in my tracks by making me switch channels.   Accordingly it was decreed that I should broadcast on Radio 1 on Christmas Day and Radio 2 on Boxing Day.  

   On Christmas Day I got twice the audience as the person opposite on Radio 2.   And on Boxing Day I got two and a half times the audience of the person opposite me on Radio 1.

   There is no such thing as network loyalty.   Look what happened to Radio 1 when it dramatically changed its policy.   It lost half its listeners.   Network loyalty is just another planners fantasy.   People don’t have network loyalty.   They have broadcaster loyalty.   I can guarantee that if Terry Wogan left Radio 2 and went to another radio station which had the same signal strength and coverage as Radio 2 he would take most of his audience with him.   Planners hate to admit these kind of things, of course, because by doing so they would be admitting their own weaknesses and the strength of popular broadcasters.   But they all know it to be true.

And finally, Jimmy Young shares another of his broadcasting principles dear to my own heart…

   What is the point of broadcasting if nobody’s listening to you?   Putting bums on seats to listen to, and to take part, is the name of my game.

Some of my final quotes come from a biography ‘Arise Sir Terry Wogan’ by Emily Herbert who again puts across many of my long held views......

   He is aware that his general method of broadcasting is a world away from some of the more vulgar element of today’s media, and that his popularity has soared as a result.   “The generation which I belong to grew up on a diet of radio and television that was universally acceptable”, he says, “But over the past ten years, there has been a complete breakdown into niche broadcasting.   Youth has become more assertive.”

   And, as culture generally has become more youth orientated, so has the media that serves it.   But there’s a very good argument for saying the media is wrong.   Youth-orientated shows, on TV and radio, gain absolutely nothing like the audiences they used to and, while that is partly because there are now so many different channels to watch, it is also because the population is ageing and is simply not interested in what is being broadcast.

   The misapprehension about what people really want stretches right across the media and so it is hardly surprising that one of the few presenters actually coming up with what the public wants should find himself in such huge demand.

I BEG LEAVE TO REMAIN

Unlike Boris Johnson MP, I haven’t been sitting on the fence to publicly declare my position on the forthcoming EU Referendum!  It was a simple choice for me to make although the fact I am in my 27^th year in Spain prevents me from casting a vote for either campaign.

My vote goes to REMAIN.

Now, that might surprise some of you with my well-known views on many matters of current affairs but I simply have to think of my current country of residence.  If I was living full time in the UK I would have no hesitation in voting LEAVE.  I am a firm believer in a country being able to make its own laws and controlling its borders.  I have always been against the obvious underlying plan of eventually creating a United States of Europe.  It’s why I like the USA and Australia in this respect.  They pass a law or a sentence and the only body you can appeal to is the highest court of the land in that country.  In the UK, at present, you have a right of appeal to the European Court of Human Rights (ECHR).  By the way, if the UK voted to leave the EU, it doesn’t automatically mean they would no longer be a signatory to the ECHR.  That would be subject to separate negotiations.   David Cameron has also warned that a vote to leave wouldn’t stem the flow of migrants either.   I believe that.  That situation has simply been allowed to go too far and like anything else, once it’s gone that distance there’s little you can do to stop it anyway. 

Living as I do as an official legal resident of Spain, I and anyone else that fits that description should have no reason to vote other than to remain, and I would cast my vote that way simply and ONLY because the consequences for British immigrants living in Europe are not known.  People in various quarters think they know what would happen, but it all depends on which scaremongering newspaper, TV station or “expert expat resident that knows everything” you speak to.

Will we lose our healthcare benefits or future increases in State pension?  Nobody knows, officially.  Will we need work permits or Visas to be able to live and work legally?  Nobody knows, officially.  Some people will understandably quote the fact that the UK and Switzerland (not in the EU, nor the European Economic Area (EEA)) are linked to the EU by a series of bilateral agreements enabling British citizens there to enjoy the accepted health and pensions benefits as others in the EU, but at this stage nobody knows whether the UK would reach agreements with Spain in these and other areas.  There is a mischievous school of thought suggesting that Spain would be very amenable to all the UK proposals...in exchange for Gibraltar!!

Will we find out the answers to these and other questions (actually, there are no other questions because health, pensions and work are the only concerns if the truth be told) before Referendum day of Thursday 23^rd June?  I don’t know, I doubt it, but one thing I am certain of it’s that rounds and rounds of negotiations between the UK and the other 27 member countries of the EU aren’t going to take place before the outcome of a Referendum is known.  What would it achieve and it would be a waste of time if the result was to remain and we continue to live here under the status quo.

So, to anyone reading this blog living in the EU and outside of the UK, a vote to REMAIN is the only logical and sensible choice.  A turkey wouldn’t vote in November for Christmas....or perhaps even an uncertain delay to Easter.  Think about it!

THANK YOU FOR THE TALK

Just very occasionally, you hear the news of someone famous that has died and not only is it a shock and you can’t quite believe it, but you simply never will.  This is particularly true with people in the media that you've let into your home for many, many years that have almost become members of the family.  Even months or years after their passing, their name is mentioned and you simply don’t associate them with death.   I have that feeling with Bob Monkhouse and Cilla Black.  I know that after today, Sir Terry Wogan will be added to that list.   These people were simply, it appeared, indestructible. They're on the screens or on the airwaves forever.

I first remembered listening to Terry when he started on BBC Radio 2 in 1969 when he presented the 3pm to 5pm show.  I thought it was Eamonn Andrews!  It was around that time that I started to get into radio, listening mainly to Tony Blackburn, Alan Freeman, Jimmy Young and Pete Murray’s Open House during the time when much of the Monday to Friday schedule was shared by Radio 1 & 2.  My dial was automatically tuned to Radio 1, but more and more I found myself retuning to Radio 2, and there it stayed when there was a significant rescheduling in 1972. 

Terry Wogan began his tenure as the host of the coveted Breakfast Show followed by Pete Murray, Tony Brandon and Jimmy Young.  At that time, Brandon was more of a personal favourite than Wogan but all had their unique presentation styles that defined the word “broadcaster” rather than disc-jockey.  When I wasn’t at school, I spent all day listening to the radio.  OK, it was in the days before all-day TV so there was no real alternative, but it was those early listening experiences that gave me the love of radio in those formative years.  School or not, in the evenings I listened to shows like Beat The Record with Don Davis and Late Night Extra from 10pm in bed every night and my first encounter with the Mystery Voice Challenge which fascinated me.

The truly great era of Radio 2 was Wogan following Ray Moore and preceding Jimmy Young.  During the much anticipated handover, Big Alma (Moore’s wife) was often discussed as was the ceremonial arrival of Jimmy Young’s commode in the studio.  It simply became great entertainment.  

The autobiographies of both Ray Moore (Tomorrow Is Too Late) and Terry Wogan (Mustn't Grumble) are simply master classes of radio broadcasting and have been thumbed often.  Many believe that had he lived longer than his 46 years, Ray Moore would've been just as great as Wogan, if not better.  For me, it’s the proverbial cigarette paper...and Moore just wins.   Much that has been said and written about the untimely passing of Sir Terry was said about Ray when he died following a more public battle with throat cancer.  “He was talking to me.”   They both understood what their listeners wanted and they gave it to them.

The formation of the TOGs (Terry’s Old Geezers) took the experience of radio and the interaction between presenter and listener to a completely new level.  Wogan didn't need a team of script writers to fill his show with wit, mirth and merriment.  He used the contributions from his listeners and his loyal and devoted fans and enabled him to create an almost surreal and imaginary world.  The humour displayed by the man on the street often surpasses that of professional writers.  I certainly get more aching belly laughs in the modern world from scrolling through my Twitter feed than watching or listening to any comedians or sit-coms.  Wogan recognised that talent and enhanced and exaggerated that humour.  The listeners themselves created the likes of Chuffer Dandridge, Helen Bach, Mick Sturbs (who created the Janet & John stories), Dora Jarr, and Lou Smorrels to name but a few.  I don’t recall which contributor had the address of 2 Effing Close, Far Corfe!   

Wogan had this ability to make a show with eight million listeners into something of a private club that every person felt was a member, even if they didn't contribute directly themselves.  When he retired (I believe he was pushed) from the Breakfast Show in 2009, the TOGs had nowhere to tune into and still don't.

The much used cliché of “we will never see his like again” is particularly true in the case of Sir Terry.  It’s probably more accurate to say “we will never see his like again because his like will never be allowed to be seen or heard because the new breed of radio bosses and managers don’t understand the value of radio personalities, and the difference between a broadcaster and a DJ.”

I’ll close my own tribute to Sir Terry Wogan with this observation.  Out of all the thousands of words and Tweets and live interviews about his death today, one word has been noticeably missing.  Music.  And this about a man who found fame on one of the most listened to music radio stations in the world.  It proves what I've always believed.  Anyone and I do mean anyone, can sit in front of a microphone and play music with the “that was – this is” style and call themselves a radio presenter and then wonder why they don’t resonate with their listeners or receive any interaction.  I've witnessed it first hand in local radio, but these budding stars and their equally inexperienced managers never see past their own highly inflated egos. People tune in to listen to you and become a fan of yours because of what you say – not what you play.  You nurture your audience of one, you do talk to that one person, and you do become a lifeline to some and a friend to many. 

That was Sir Terry Wogan.

“This is it then this is the day I have been dreading, the morning when you and I come to the parting of the ways, the last Wake Up To Wogan. It wasn’t always thus. For the first 12 years it was the plain old Terry Wogan Show and you were all Twits, the Terry Wogan is Tops Society.  

“When I returned to the bosom of the family you all became Togs, Terry’s Old Geezers and Gals. It’s always been a source of enormous pride to me that you have come together in my name, that you are proud to call yourself my listeners, that you think of me as a friend, someone that you are close enough to laugh with, to poke fun at and just occasionally when the world seemed just a little too cruel, to shed a tear with.  

“The years together with you have not only been a pleasure but a privilege. You have allowed me to share your lives with you. When you tell me how important I have been in your lives it’s very moving, you have been every bit as important in mine.

“We have been though at least a couple of generations together, for many of you your children like mine have children of their own.

“Your support for Children In Need has been consistent and magnificent… If anybody embodies the generous, warm spirit of this country it’s you, my listeners.

“I am not going to pretend that this is not a sad day – you can probably hear it in my voice – I am going to miss the laughter and the fun of our mornings together. I know you are going to welcome Chris Evans with the same generosity of spirit that you have shown me.

“I am going to miss you, until we are together again in February have a happy Christmas. Thank you, thank you for being my friend.”   

CONGRATULATIONS, YOUR MAJESTY

 

On Wednesday 9^th September 2015, and after 63 years, 217 days, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II took her place in the record books as being the longest serving British monarch of all time, overtaking her great, great grandmother Queen Victoria. 

Taking into account that most people’s memories go back to when they were about three years old, you have to be around 66 (or born in 1949 or earlier) to remember anyone else other than HM The Queen on the British throne.

I’ll hold my hands up from the start to say I am a royalist and monarchist and prefer this form of a head of state in preference to a Presidential system of whatever colour.  I believe that the head of a country should be respected by everyone, should be proud of them and to support them in whatever they do.  They are, and should remain apolitical.  Just look at the countries around the world that are currently (and in very recent history) in the news and the dreadful situations they find themselves in.  Afghanistan, Iraq, and Syria.  Then look at the countries where threatening noises come from.  Russia, Argentina and North Korea.  The link?  All run by Presidents or unelected dictators.  

“Unelected, just like the Queen”, I can hear some of the republican sympathisers shouting from their patios and choking on their cafe con leche.  Yes, I agree, unelected.  But the “unelected” royal family of the United Kingdom come from a long line of people trained and immersed in service to their country, as opposed to subjecting their people to a life of tyranny and persecution.  I believe that countries with a monarchy simply have that stabilising influence that the others do not.  Apart from the UK, there’s Spain to Denmark, Oman to Morocco, New Zealand to Thailand.   Is it simply a coincidence that even in the modern times of countries being dominated by Islamist factions, those with a monarch as its head of state are never in the news for the wrong reasons such as Jordan, Bahrain and Morocco?  I don’t think so.  Even in modern day Europe with problems in Greece and Ukraine, they are without a monarch.  

Granted, the UK and other parts of her realm has had its problems during the reign of Elizabeth II but I do wonder just how many other potential and even worse situations she has prevented by having the odd quiet word in any of the ears of her 12 British Prime Ministers, as well as her 14 in New Zealand, 13 in Australia and 11 in Canada.  The contents of the regular private Tuesday evening meetings between HM The Queen and her Prime Minister have always been kept a well guarded secret.  It’s a conversation between two people.  No others are present. Prime Ministers of all parties in the past 63 years have all said of Her Majesty that she does guide and advise them.  Presidents and dictators simply have their own clique of similar minded sycophants surrounding them, daring not to challenge their masters.  I perceive that the British Prime Minister has that underlying respect and reverence that the Head of State deserves.

On the occasion of her 21^st birthday, 21^st April 1947, and still Princess Elizabeth, she made her now very famous speech when in Cape Town during a tour of South Africa, which included this excerpt: 

“There is a motto which has been borne by many of my ancestors - a noble motto, "I serve". Those words were an inspiration to many bygone heirs to the Throne when they made their knightly dedication as they came to manhood. I cannot do quite as they did.

“But through the inventions of science I can do what was not possible for any of them. I can make my solemn act of dedication with a whole Empire listening. I should like to make that dedication now. It is very simple. 

“I declare before you all that my whole life whether it be long or short shall be devoted to your service and the service of our great imperial family to which we all belong.”

The words “I serve” and “service” dominate the piece.  There have been many calls over the years for a variety of reasons calling for the abdication of Her Majesty; more so in recent years with the increasing popularity of William, The Duke of Cambridge, but the Queen, through her spokespeople, always refer those detractors to that speech above.  “...my whole life whether it be long or short shall be devoted to your service”.  

Let’s look at the word “service”.  The Queen has been an exemplary servant to her country, and continues to be so at the age of 89.  I’ve probably stirred up the anarchists and republicans among you even more now, but I don’t care!  I consider her service as being that of representing the country as the Head of State both within the United Kingdom and across the world stage.  It’s a job, and I believe a very difficult job too.  I’ve heard people say what a cushy and easy life not only members of the Royal Family have but politicians too.  The perception of many of the Royal lifestyle is similar to that of the famous Imperial Leather soap adverts of years past which saw the family lounging around all-day in a gold bath flying around in an executive jet.   And when some say, “they’ve never done a day’s work in their lives”, it depends what you class as work.  Running your own business, sitting in an office in front of a computer, sweeping the roads, driving a bus or performing a heart operation?  Whatever your views, just put yourself in any of their shoes for a moment. 

Your life is never your own ever again.  You are at the beck and call of the country and your courtiers.  You really are on duty all the time.  Senior politicians are just the same.  Remember if you’re listening to the Foreign Secretary being interviewed on the Today programmes at 6.30am (UK time); just think what time he has to set his alarm to be at the studio.  Imagine yourself on a week’s visit to Australia.  Wonderful, you may think.  Again, you do what you’re told and when to do it and say what you’re told to say, and not.  Being flown and driven and going by rail every day, and presented to strangers and listening to people that you’d probably choose not to meet in normal circumstances.  It would be boring and tedious for many, but HM The Queen and members of her family do it day in day out without complaint, showing a dedication to duty and to the country. 

I would venture to suggest that keeping to such a timetable and routine was the original downfall of Diana, Princess of Wales and Sarah, Duchess of York.  They simply weren’t ready and prepared, or probably capable of the level of dedication needed to be a full-time royal. The famous photograph of Diana looking bored and dejected on a tour to India and Sarah’s much documented lifestyle simply exposed that fact.  They were found wanting and weren’t up to the standards expected of the job of being a servant to the country.

Over these 63 years and 217 days, and counting, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II hasn’t put a single foot wrong.  I always found it fascinating the amount of criticism thrown towards her and stirred up by the Tony Blair machine in the aftermath of the death of Diana.  The scenario was highlighted during the film, The Queen, where Her Majesty decided to stay in Balmoral with her grandchildren William and Harry rather than return to London.  She really was damned if she did or didn’t.  One minute people would be saying the Royal Family were out of touch, and then, when demonstrating the kind of concern, support and love that any grandmother would have shown, she was expected – nee demanded – to be in London with “her people”.  I know who I believe benefitted most from that exercise, and it certainly wasn’t the wonderful lady who lives in Buckingham Palace.

Queen Elizabeth II outlasted that particular incumbent of No 10 Downing Street and, if she stays in the remarkable state of health she enjoys will kiss hands with even more Prime Ministers.  She will be celebrating her 90^th birthday in April 2016, and I truly hope and believe she will enact out every single word of her message 69 years earlier.

LIVE ENTERTAINMENT DEBATE

This article was originally written and published in The Courier in August 2014 and caused quite a bit of the proverbial to hit the fan.  Looking back almost 18 months and the incredible tourism figures for Spain since, I think my comments at the time were more than justified!  My favourite response from someone to my article was from a lady living somewhere in my local area who said: "If you don't like live music, why the hell did you come to live in Spain?" I didn't bother wasting my time replying to her......

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Forget Ebola that might threaten millions of lives across the world!   Believe some of the local press and the social networking media and there is an even bigger and more serious epidemic about to engulf Spain.   Local areas previously full of people now dead or dying, businesses closing, Ghost Towns are the norm, no more Tourists and the Spanish economy finished.....dead, resulting in cars being replaced by donkeys and carts!   What is this epidemic?   No more sunshine?   No more beaches?  No more Spanish culture?  These would be major problems for Spain.

No, no, no!   If you sit down and analyse the following statement; and I mean really analyse it, can anyone take it with anything other than a pinch of azafran?   And the statement is this which is the gist of much that is being said and written:

“Thousands of people will stop coming to visit Spain and many already living here will sell up and leave because bars are not allowed to have live music!”   Seriously?   Really?

Let’s cast our minds back to when you went to the local travel agent in the 1970s, ‘80s and ‘90s and decided to book that fortnight in Spain.  Be completely honest.   Why did you book to come to the Costa Blanca, Brava, Del Sol or, according to “Are You Being Served”, the Costa Plonka (and oh how relevant that’s become recently!)?  15 days by a swimming pool fighting with German towels, frying on a beach with Factor 1 lotion, cheap wine and food, and a hotel that matched the artists impression.   And how many wanted to come back to the UK and be photographed at Gatwick wearing your 50 gallon sombrero holding a donkey?  That’s why you went to Spain.   Did it really have anything to do with live entertainment of any description?   It might’ve had something to do with late night discos and early morning clubbing for many which you couldn’t do in the home country; but these clubs are still going strong and attracting their thousands.   Cast your mind back a few weeks to those scenes in Magaluf with hundreds of youths in the streets on drinking sprees spending thousands of Euros, helping the local economy.   Can’t imagine them sat down around a table or stood up in a small bar in a group listening to a live act.   (They prefer taking part in and watching other types of acts!).   Booze, plenty of it, and loud thumping music is all they’re interested in, and that’s why they’ll return year after year until replaced by the next generation of teenage revellers!

The Club 18 to 30 holidays weren’t sold on the basis that the highlight of the trip would be going to a local bar to listen to a tribute act, a rock group, take part in a karaoke or yes....even a quiz night!   They were sold on the cheap featuring a combination of Sun, Sea, Sangria and Sex and coming home with whiter skin than you arrived with.   Families with 2 point 4 children stayed at Hotels, spent their days around the pool, on the beaches or taking organised day trips with inedible packed lunches, discovering the local sites and attractions.   The evenings were spent in the hotel bars with local Spanish entertainment...and in the absence of that entertainment, made your own by meeting people and enjoying each other’s company.  Thankfully, all this still happens and will continue to happen.

I’ve spent 25 years living in Spain and I can honestly say, hand on heart, that I’ve not met anyone during that time that came to this country to live or to visit ONLY because there was live music to be enjoyed.   It wasn’t even mentioned as part of the reason they came here.   The reasons were (and still are) the proverbial “4 S’s” mentioned above (that’s the tourists – not the members of the bowls clubs), to get away from the UK, to retire to the sun whatever age they were, to start a new life and, in the case of many – and this is where many of the problems started for a significant number – to start their own business.   Not once did anyone say it was to be able to listen to live music in their local bar.  In fact, I doubt if it entered anyone’s head.  

If you fancied a good night out with some equally good entertainment, you went to Benidorm.   It was a novelty and probably went there a handful of times during the year...but interestingly it wasn’t essentially for the live music.  Prior to the other “epidemic” of tribute acts, you went there to watch some genuine entertainers, comedians, “novelty acts” (you know who I mean....!) and singers with backing tracks or the resident pianist or drummer.   But this great entertainment was held in purpose-built entertainment clubs and venues capable of holding a significant number of people.   These were not small family run bars that originally set up to provide breakfasts, lunches and dinners who doubled up as an entertainment venue in the evening that could just about hold a small coach party.  Cafes, bars and restaurants were, and still are just that.   There was no pretence (and it’s still the case in Benidorm) that they should be the next Jongleurs, 02 Arena or The London Palladium!

I can remember with great affection visiting Benidorm now and then in my early years in Spain and it was always busy, thriving and full of visitors 12 months of the year.  The night-life was equally thriving and there was invariably standing room only in those previously mentioned entertainment clubs such as “Steptoe’s”, “Talk Of The Coast” etc etc.  Fast forward to last September and those same clubs...still open for business and still allowed their live entertainment...had a handful of punters or one man and his dog watching.  Unheard of only a handful of years ago.  Why?  More and more of these showbars have opened and taken custom away from others and whilst there’s been an expansion in the number of places opening, there hasn’t been an equivalent increase in tourism to match.   The increase in “all inclusive” hotels has also had a significant impact in the area, but at the end of the day, it’s simple and basic economics.   Too many clubs and not enough customers.   It’s a penalty that is paid for giving people more choice.   Businesses will inevitably fail.   It’s a sad fact of life.  And it’s the same reasons that are behind much of business failures and the background to this current argument and debate 80 kms down the Costa Blanca.

Recently issued Padron figures for the Costa Blanca show that many places are thousands of people down.   Some will have you believe that this is entirely due to no live music being allowed in bars.  Yes, it’s true.   Those that promote that spin obviously forget that death, ill-health, missing grandchildren, changes in personal financial situations, unfavourable (but improving) exchange rates, poor interest rates for savers, the worse economic downturn for a couple of generations....and the fear of not registering on the Padron (or not knowing about it) thinking the tax authorities are going to take action, are the principal factors for people leaving the area or not registering.

The vast swathes of empty or closed business units in the area are not caused by the problems associated with live music either.  There are almost 300 empty units near to Urb Marina just off the N332 and have been empty for 8 or 9 years.   There’s an empty shell of an unfinished commercial unit near to Lidl and there’s the famous yellow and green strip of units close to the Consum Square that are 90% empty.    Banks have closed on La Marina, shops of all kinds have closed on La Marina and yes, bars and restaurants too....and many of those that are open are struggling.   But it’s not due to live music issues.   It’s due to a combination of the economic downturn and, I believe, a complete and utterly ridiculous naivety and business acumen – not just on La Marina but along the Costa Blanca.   The acumen of “you’ve got a successful business so I’m going to open a similar one close to you  and be just as successful” only works if you’ve done your homework and your market research.   It has most certainly been the case in La Marina – and I can imagine elsewhere too – that the “too many venues and not enough people to go around” scenario is a principal cause of many problems in the area.

The tourists will always come to Spain (and, to remind some, there are other nationalities – not just British) in their millions as long as those “4 S’s” are in abundance.   A few people who may say that they won’t come here again because the odd handful of bars that can’t get on with each other and can’t come to any compromise with their local residents, that might not be allowed to have their twice weekly dose of someone purporting to be Michael Buble or Kylie Minogue due to the police doing their job, will NOT leave the Spanish Tourist Board or Ryanair losing much sleep!

SPANISH LOTTERIES - O.N.C.E.

SPANISH LOTTERIES EXPLAINED

The first thing to say about any of the Spanish lotteries is that you are allowed to buy a ticket whatever your nationality.  British are not barred from taking part!  The only restriction is you must be 18 years old.  This time we look at a non-state run lottery called the O.N.C.E.

When we first came to Spain, we all saw these green kiosks in the streets with the word ONCE on them.  What did it mean?  We then learned that ONCE was the Spanish word for 11...and then a little later that it stood for the Organización Nacional de Ciegos Españoles – the Spanish National Blind Organisation – O.N.C.E.

It was founded on December 13^th 1938 with the purpose of raising funds to provide services for blind people or those with a serious visual impairment.  It is not a state-controlled lottery and although it is overseen by a board of patrons made up of representatives from various Spanish ministries, O.N.C.E. does enjoy a certain amount of freedom in the day-to-day running of its activities.

O.N.C.E lottery tickets are sold on the streets by authorised sellers, as well as in O.N.C.E kiosks. These are clearly identified by the O.N.C.E name and logo and can be found along the high street, at airports, and in shopping centres. You may also see many of the sellers simply sat at collapsible tables wherever you go.  These points of sale always employ the blind or partially sighted, and employ over 136,000 people of whom almost 90% are people with disabilities.  The monies raised by this lottery cover the payments and commissions to the sellers and as such reduce the burden on the state to pay such benefits.  Over the last few years, people with other disabilities have been helped by the O.N.C.E lottery.

HOW TO PLAY

There are many different types of O.N.C.E tickets, but we’ll just cover the most popular and easiest to explain!  You’ll see all the various kinds of tickets on the seller’s table or hanging up in the kiosk. 

CUPON DIARIO

To begin with, just look for the tickets with today’s date on them.  Every seller will have different ticket numbers – there are 99,999 spread over the entire country – so select your ticket containing five digits – such as 43181 and a Serie No 28 (pictured).  The cost is €1.50 per ticket.  These are available every Monday to Thursday, are known as the CUPON DIARIO (Daily Coupon), and drawn out in the evenings. 

Prize money for the CUPON DIARIO is fixed amounts.  If you match the 5 number winning ticket you win €35,000.  Using our example of 43181, if 43180 or 43182 (the before and after number) is the winning ticket, you win €500. Matching the last four numbers (3181) wins €200, last three numbers (181) wins €20, and the last two numbers (81) €6.  If you have the first number (4) or last number (1) you get your stake money (€1.50) back.  For an extra €0.50c, you can upgrade to the EL PAGA daily ticket, and if you match the winning number AND the Serie, you win an incredible €3,000 PER MONTH for 25 YEARS!  That works out to a total prize of €900,000!

CUPONAZO

The Friday O.N.C.E draw is called CUPONAZO (Giant coupon!) and each ticket costs €3.  You can buy them any day of the week for the following Friday.  Prize money is €9,000,000 for matching 5 numbers and the Serie.  Matching the five without the Serie wins €30,000. Other prizes are broken down as above for matching the last four (€500), three (€50) and two (€6). Money back (€3) if you match the last number.  You can invest an extra €1 or €2 for a CUPONAZO XL or XXL and the prize money increases accordingly with the top prizes being €12,000,000 and €15,000,000 respectively.  The lower prizes are also adjusted to reflect the extra stake money.

SUELDAZO

Finally, for the present, there is the weekend only ticket called the SUELDAZO (Giant salary!); so called because the top prize for matching the winning number and the Serie is a remarkable one-off payment of €300,000 PLUS €5,000 PER MONTH for 20 YEARS! A grand overall total of €1,500,000!  As with the other O.N.C.E draws, there are prizes for matching 5,4,3,2 and the last number.  The SUELDAZO ticket costs €2, and you can buy them for either the Saturday OR Sunday draws. 

GENERAL INFORMATION

Don’t forget that the people who sell the O.N.C.E tickets are blind or partially sighted, so please be patient and respectful when you buy or they check your tickets, often with large magnifying glasses.  Also, they have virtually no knowledge of English so be prepared to use a handful of Spanish words.  You can check your winning numbers in the local press or via the website which is https://www.juegosonce.es/ and click on the link saying "Ver resultados".

If you are lucky enough to win a substantial amount on the O.N.C.E lottery, the maximum winnings paid by the individual sellers is €200.  Anything over this amount and you will need to take your winning ticket to your bank.  They will make a copy for you, sign it and keep the original.  They will then contact the relevant seller or kiosk (the individual office identification is on the ticket as part of the bar code) and when the winning amount is confirmed, the monies will be paid into your bank account.  You normally have 60 to 90 days to first claim your winnings.

Winnings over €2,500 are now subject to a tax of 20%.  The first €2,500 is exempt; however you may have to pay tax on any interest earned.  This is something you should discuss with your accountant.  It is also advisable, in the case of the many private syndicates that are organised, if you win a large amount to make a list of the people taking part and signing an agreement, preferably with their ID details and also in front of a notary.  This is to ensure that any tax payable at the end of the year is rightly shared among those taking part and not just the organiser.

If you have any questions about the Spanish lotteries, please let me know.

SPANISH LOTTERIES - EL BONOLOTO

SPANISH LOTTERIES EXPLAINED

In the second part of the series, I'll explain how you can play along with the El BonoLoto.   The first thing to say about any of the Spanish lotteries is that you are allowed to buy a ticket whatever your nationality.  British are not barred from taking part!  The only restriction is you must be 18 years old.

You can have a gamble / bet (apuesta) by simply going into one of the local lottery offices up and down most high streets in Spain.  Lottery offices open from 0900 to 1400 and again from 1700 to 1930.  They close on Saturday afternoons. Other offices that double up as other shops and businesses may have different hours.

The El BonoLoto is drawn EVERY DAY (except Sunday) in the evening, even if it coincides with a bank holiday, and is one of the most popular of the lotteries with the Spanish as it is the cheapest to take part in.  It is very similar to the LA PRIMITIVA with some subtle differences.  There are two ways you can play, and you can choose to play for just one day or for the whole week.  Whatever you decide, the tickets are different.  To play for one day only (and the day that you purchase the ticket), you need to look for a ticket with a red and green bar with the word “Diario” and No 333 (pictured below),

and for a weekly bet, a ticket  with a plain red top with the word “Semanal” and No 324 (pictured below). 

As with LA PRIMITIVA, both tickets are divided into 8 blocks of 49 numbers.  You can have as many blocks as you wish and each block only costs 50c, but you must select a MINIMUM of two blocks, making the minimum total stake of €1.  To give you a complete example, let’s assume you want to play on a Wednesday and you want 3 blocks of numbers. Pick up the red and green top form and select SIX numbers in each block putting a X over each number.  Hand the completed form to the cashier and pay, in this case, your €1.50 (3 blocks @ 50c for 1 day).  You’ll receive a printed receipt ticket with your selected numbers and a Reintegro (lucky number) (pictured) which you must keep in case you need to claim.  You’ll also be given the original form back which you can use again and again if you wish, or complete a new one with different numbers each time.

If you wish to use your favourite numbers for more than one day in the week, let’s imagine you enter the lottery office on a Monday.  Pick up form “Semanal 324”, select your minimum of two blocks of six numbers and hand it in to the cashier with your stake money for the week which will cover, in this example, Monday to Friday (inclusive) and cost €5.  If you enter on a Tuesday and want a weekly bet, the cost will be €4, Wednesday €3, and Thursday €2.  If you go on a Saturday, you can do the whole six days at a cost of €6.   It sounds complicated on the surface, but is straightforward once the system is understood.

You can also go straight to the cashier and ask for a lucky dip ticket.  Using the same examples above, ask for “tres apuestas por El Bono Loto – por hoy” (Three bets for El BonoLoto – for today), or “dos apuestas por El BonoLoto – semanal” (Two bets for ElBonoLoto – weekly).

You’ll be given a printed receipt ticket as above with a random selection of numbers.

You can check the winning numbers in the local press or the website, of course, or you can take your ticket to any of the lottery offices – it doesn’t have to be the one you made the bet. The website is http://www.loteriasyapuestas.es/en/bonoloto

To win a prize on El BonoLoto, you need to match 3 numbers, 4 numbers, 5 numbers, 5 numbers + the bonus ball (complementario), and 6 numbers.   If the reintegro number drawn is the same as on your ticket, you automatically get your stake money back for that day only.  Therefore, using our first example above, and if the reintegro matched for the Wednesday draw, you would get your €1.50 back.

If you match 3 numbers, you automatically win €4.  Other amounts for matching the other numbers vary depending on the number of winning tickets.  As an example, the winnings paid out for having a ticket with 5 + Complementario for Friday August 7^th 2015 was €205,000, 5 numbers was €850, and 4 numbers was €23.  There are rarely winners of the 6 numbers, so in this case the top amount that could’ve been won rolls over each day until it is won.  This happened for the El BonoLoto draw for Monday August 10^th as one person had the winning combination of 6 numbers and the resulting prize of just over €6,000,000.  It was the first top prize winner since July 20^th when just over €500,000 was claimed.

El BonoLoto is one of many state run lotteries, so all profits go directly into government funds and help to keep general taxation low, thanks to the Spanish being the biggest gamblers in the world.  El BonoLoto does not support so-called “good causes”.

GENERAL INFORMATION

If you are lucky enough to win a substantial amount on any of the state run Spanish lotteries, the maximum winnings paid by the individual lottery office is €600.  Anything over this amount and you will need to take your winning ticket to your bank.  They will make a copy for you, sign it and keep the original.  They will then contact the relevant lottery office (the individual office identification is on the ticket as part of the bar code) and when the winning amount is confirmed, the monies will be paid into your bank account.  From a lucky experience of a few years ago (5 numbers paid out just over €3,000), this system does work and normally takes around 3 to 5 days.  You normally have 60 to 90 days to first claim your winnings.

Winnings over €2,500 are now subject to a tax of 20%.  The first €2,500 is exempt; however you may have to pay tax on any interest earned.  This is something you should discuss with your accountant.  It is also advisable, in the case of the many private syndicates that are organised, if you win a large amount to make a list of the people taking part and signing an agreement, preferably with their ID details and also in front of a notary.  This is to ensure that any tax payable at the end of the year is rightly shared among those taking part and not just the organiser.

Next time, I'll feature the Spanish National Blind Charity - the O.N.C.E.  If you have any questions about the Spanish lotteries, please let me know.